


When Worlds Collide

by LaDemonessa



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Community: ds9ficathon, Crossovers: Other, Humor, M/M, Senslash Fun, crossovers, other pairing - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 02:17:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaDemonessa/pseuds/LaDemonessa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garak and Bashir get squicked; Jim and Blair get laid.  Sort of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Worlds Collide

**Author's Note:**

> For Laura JV, a smart ass of the highest caliber.

## When Worlds Collide

by JA Ingram

email: cjjingram@wildblue.net or cjjingram@yahoo.com

Author's disclaimer: Pet Fly and Paramount, apparently both attract parasites. 

* * *

"Oh my! It's almost time for my show!" 

Garak looked up from his meal in irritation as Julian hurried over to the holovid, "That was rather rude of you to leave the table like that, don't you think?" 

Julian scowled at the other man, "You just don't want to watch Masterpiece Theatre. If that boring show of yours was on" 

"The Crimson Cardassian is not a boring show!" Garak insisted as he dropped his napkin beside his empty plate. "It's full of adventure and intrigue--" 

"Yeah, the same intrigue and adventure every single week, over and over again!" Julian rolled his eyes, "And you call my programs 'escapist'. That last episode was taken almost word for word from an old MacGyver episode." 

"It was not!" Garak defended. 

"It was too!" Julian flipped on the HV and held the remote out of his companion's reach, "Since when do Cardassians make bombs out of tin cans and duct tape?" 

The tailor blinked, "Well" 

"Well?" the doctor urged with a superior lilt to his voice. 

"I never claimed it was perfect, just that it wasn't boring," he sniffed. 

"Hush'up!" Julian grinned in triumph, "The new 'Brideshead Revisited' is coming on." 

On the HV, a lovely Vulcan woman appeared in the midst of a comfortable library sitting in a worn leather wingback chair. Giving her unseen audience a subdued nod of welcome, she began to speak, "Due to technical difficulties, tonight's scheduled episode of Brideshead Revisited Part 2, has been rescheduled so that we may bring you another story from Ancient Earth which we hope you will enjoy." 

"HAH!" Garak crowed, "Give me the remote." 

Julian glared, "I don't care, I'm _still_ going to watch Masterpiece Theatre tonight!" 

The lovely Vulcan moved over to a small holo platform where two men were embracing passionately, "Tonight, we will watch as two men, two star-crossed lovers, come together at long last. One is a man of science, the other forged of steel and bound to the land by a magic that defies all modern logic. As Guide and Sentinel these men must save the worldand each other." 

Garak threw Julian a dubious glance. 

"What?" the doctor frowned. 

"Nothing." 

"And now, tonight's program, 'The Sentinel; The Un-Told Story' Part 32." 

The two men gazed deeply into one another's eyes, their arms wrapped around one another tightly, "Oh Big Guy! Oh gods, I never thought this day would ever come!" 

"Nor I, Pixie-bit!" 

Garak and Bashir looked at one another. "Pixie-bit?" three voices said at once and only one of them seemed happy about it. 

"Yes," the larger man cupped his companions backside and pulled him against him tight, "You are my little pixie angel, my delicate flowerI love you butter muffin, and shall for all time to come." 

"Oh my precious man, yes!" the smaller human gushed as they kissed, nearly devouring one another in their passion. 

"UhJulian?" Garak began. 

"Not. One. Word." 

"But" Garak gestured toward the sickening display unfolding before them. 

"Dammit Garak!" the doctor gritted out, "I watched two Christopher Lowell shows, a fashion hour, and a Tom Selleck marathon for you last week--this is my night and I'm not going to watch the Crimson Cardassian, understood?" 

"Fine," Garak shrugged and they continued to watch the HV in silence. 

"Oh my little flower, my lovely spring petal, my fragile dew drop---you have no idea how long I've waited and hoped for you." 

Blair smiled tenderly at the larger man hulking over him, "Oh Big Bear, I've always loved you--I've loved you from the moment you slammed me against the wall and insulted my dubious parentage! Every time I was drugged, blown up, shot, or clubbed over the head, I did it for you!" 

"Clubbed over the head?" Garak repeated wryly, "That would explain a lot." 

"Be quiet!" Julian snapped irritably, "It might get better, you never know." 

"Really?" Jim grinned happily. "Oh sugar blossom, you make me feel like a man. You belong to me, now and forever--I own you just as surely as you own my heart." 

"Somehow I doubt it will get better anytime soon," Garak muttered. 

**"SHHH!"**

"Oh yes Jim! Oh yes!" Blair bounced and squealed happily as he clapped his small feminine hands together then jumped into Jim's arms. The large man caught him and cradled him next to his heart before doing a triumphant spin. Blair's lovely curls brushed the sentinel's arm as he turned starry blue eyes up at his soon-to-be-lover. "I belong to you now, only you. I am a slave to your love. I am unworthy of you but I will serve you faithfully! I will cook for you, bear your children, and never disobey you! For the rest of my life I promise to prove myself and never give you any cause to be cross with me or make your life difficult in any way." 

**"HUMPH!"**

"Did you say something?" Garak asked slyly. 

"I wasahem, clearing my throat." 

"Oh." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Julian glared. 

"Nothing," the Cardassian flashed him an innocent grin, "Not a thing, I assure you." 

"Oh itsy bitsy," Jim sniffed as they rubbed their noses together affectionately, "even when you're being a pain, I love you. I love you even though you're not perfect and I am." 

**"HUMPH!!"**

"What..?" 

"Shut up." 

"Just checking." 

"Oh Big Guy" the little man sighed, "Oh take me upstairs and teach me how to love you in every way." 

"I'm getting a drink," Garak announced as he got up from the couch, "Do you want one?" 

"Please," Julian responded, then muttered underbreath, "anything to wash this taste out of my mouth" 

"Pardon?" Garak called out from the replicator. 

"Can you bring me a soft drink?" was the doctor's hasty reply. 

"Sure," Garak handed him a soda then sat down again holding his glass of milk, "Now what are they doing?" 

"I was listening to you yakking," his companion sighed, "Looks like they're in the bedroom." 

Slowly the two men began to undress one another, love oozing out from every pore in their bodies. 

"Oh my big huge hunk of man-love, I have a confession to make," Blair said coyly. 

"And what is that my passionate little pun'kin fart?" Jim asked, running his fingers through dark, silken tresses. 

"His what?!?" Julian coughed as soda was forced through his nostrils. 

"Whatever it was, it wasn't a good thing," Garak said gravely as he patted the other man on the back. 

"I want you to take me, big man! I want you to make me your woman!" the androgynous one pleaded before Jim threw him on the bed and began to ravish him. "Oh Jim! JIM! Release me from the bonds of manhood! Make me feel feminine! LOVE ME NOW!" 

"Thatthat" Garak blinked, "That's just wrong." 

"Hey, what is that?" Julian squinted, his eyes still teary, as Jim pulled something out of the nightstand. 

"For you, my creamy cookie-boy!" Jim gave him a saucy wink as he showed the holo-camera the jar of maraschino cherries he held in his hand. 

"What is he doing?" 

"Julian dear, why is he sticking those in the man's?" 

Jim's head swooped down. 

"Oh my Guls?!?" 

"THAT IS _NOT_ SANITARY!!!" Julian screeched jumping to his feet and pointing toward the HV accusingly. 

"Ahhh, musky and dark--just like" 

"TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!" Garak yelled, spilling his warm milk all over the carpet. 

"I'M TRYING DAMMIT!" Julian screamed back as he struggled with the remote. 

"Oh Jim, I can feel your tongue! Oh Jim, oh JIM!" 

***CLICK!***

The two men stared at the now dark holovid in disgust, both attempting to catch their breath. 

"That is not normal." Garak announced. 

"Oh no, THAT was certainly not normal," the doctor agreed. 

"Julian, if you ever refer to me as a "pun'kin" whatever, I swear by all that is holy, I will kill you." 

"If I ever feel the need to call anyone that, I promise I'll kill myself!" 

They looked at one another then back toward the silent HV. 

"Wanna take a walk down the promenade?" Julian asked. 

Garak jumped up and grabbed his sweater, "I'll race you to the ice cream parlor." 

"Oh no---" the doctor moaned, "If I NEVER see another cherry again, it'll be too soon!" 

"Amen." 

THE END...so to speak. 


End file.
